Goodbyes!


Today is my last full day in Cambodia because tomorrow night, I will be flying back home to the UK. Waking up this morning, I was filled with excitement to be going back. Even though my medical problems haven't gone away, and it will be a challenge to sort them out, I am so glad to be back with my creature comforts and living in a country I am familiar with.

The silver lining in going back home earlier than expected, is that I will have a full month before going back into my final year of uni. It will be a nice break, after a hectic spring and summer. In addition, it will be so great to see my friends and loved ones, who must miss me sooooo much (hahahah- no joke you better have missed me)!

I had a chance to go back to Mondulkiri on Thursday afternoon, to pack up my belongings and say my goodbyes. Returning to community after having been away for over a week, was very strange. It felt comforting and familiar, which is a feeling I never expected to have. Saying goodbye to my counterpart, other Khmer vols and the UK vols was very tough. The bonds and friendships that I made over the last 5 weeks were a lots stronger and deeper than I had imagined. It made me realize that regardless of how I felt about the program, how sad I had been, or ill, that I made some lifelong friends in the process. When I arrived back in community, the volunteers had organised a big dinner, with everyone present, just to say goodbye- it was beyond touching.

I don't regret coming to Cambodia because I gained an invaluable experience. I guess that at the end of the day, what I wanted out of this program/my summer holiday, was to gain some understanding and knowledge about the world around me. In coming here and having the experiences that I did, I accomplished this goal. Hopefully next time I visit a tropical country, my stomach doesn't decide to attack me :) .

xx

Hi everyone!

Medical update: I have been in PP for over a week now. After various tests (x-ray, ultrasound, urine test, blood test, stool sample) it seems as if the doctors can't find whats wrong with me.

I have been advised to go see a gastroenterologist, and to get further tests done. The UK medical team, has suggested that I go home for these tests. I'm waiting for my blood test results, and then I will make the final call, but it seems more than likely that I will be flying home to the UK quite soon.

While the program seems to be wrapping up for me, I have to be thankful for what I have learned in myself and about my future career (maybe/hopefully). I am also thankful for all the friendships I have made, with UK volunteers, just as much as Khmer volunteers.

Thank you for letting me experience your country, in a chaotic and intense way.

xx

Hello big city!

Yesterday, I traveled to Phnom Penh to see a doctor about the trouble I've been having with my stomach. For the past 12 days I have been in pain, when eating, pooing or lack thereof (sorry for the graphics chaps!)! With a fever this past weekend, and being unable to keep my food down on Monday night, I decided that I needed to get checked out by a good doctor.

I don't want to worry anyone back home reading this, so I'll keep you all updated on my prognosis, so for the moment, it seems as if I may either have a strong food intolerance or worms/parasites/Giardia. I was prescribed a mild laxative (which definitely did it's job this morning-winning!) and was asked to come back on Friday morning with a stool sample (eek) for another exam and potentially an x-ray.

For the time being, I have been told to relax, sleep, de-stress, and to stay away from rice/noodles/bread/(everything basically)[ Side note: as of late, I have formed a mild addiction to fried chicken. This latest food ban has put a cramp on my newest foodie bond, to say the least]. I am sleeping in the same guest house that I stayed in last time I was in PP and it's feeling surreal. Last time I was here, was with all my gang, from Mondulkiri as well as Ratanakiri and Stung Treng. The alone time I currently overdosing in, is supremely weird and discomforting? Very weird!

Now the cool thing is, that tomorrow marks 1 month since I left the UK. In retrospect it seems to have gone by so quickly, but while I was living it, time could not have gone slower. Doing a little mental recap of what I have experienced, wished for, done and felt, I have to say I am extremely proud of myself. Here is a list of the things I am most proud of:

• My ability to stand for what I believe in, and not let people take advantage of my strong character.
• To have found my center, in a new country, surrounded by different people, and completely out of my comfort zone.
• To have made some life long friends, that I can joke around with, regardless of how dire and funny our situation is.
• To have proven to myself that I am able to stretch and adapt to things I don't like, and still produce quality work (on time!).

Before coming to Cambodia, I haven't had many moments where I could stand back from a situation and with 100% honesty say that I was proud of the person I have presented myself to be. But sitting in this guest room, with a strong sense of deja vu, I am happy with how I have behaved and acted while in Cambodia. This trip is centered around personal development, and while day to day, it may not seem (to myself) that I am changing. Having stepped back (only in reflection, I promise!), I have seen a difference in the way I have attacked problems, and dealt with less than ideal situations.

I am really excited about having finally found a subject that I am really crazy about. In doing so, I have re-awakened my leadership and "take charge" abilities. Thinking towards graduation next year, and the upcoming job market scare, I am glad to have "found" myself again. With this perspective, I am now crystal clear on what I want from the academic year ahead, and what I expect from myself.

Amidst all this soul searching, I am dearly missing my loved ones (all of you!!) and cannot wait to share a meal, drink or fabulous piece of cake with you all very soon. Lots of love from your budding philosopher xx

 

Hello!

It seems as if the majority of my bog so far, has just been about my emotions, and while that is great (for me especially hahah), it's not giving you guys a description of what it's actually like to be here!

Here are some fun facts:

• In Cambodia, people drive on both sides of the road, so not only in the direction that they are meant to drive in. So it is very typical that whilst you are driving, to see someone coming down the opposite the road in the wrong direction. The interesting thing is that regardless of how dangerous this is, we haven't seen any road accidents! In Phnom Penh, Tuk Tuk drivers barely looked before merging, yet we never had any problems! CRAZY!
• The rules regarding taking off your shoes aren't always clear. For example when I went to the phone shop, it was raining and my feet and sandals were incredibly muddy, yet since I was a customer, it was alright to leave them on? Regardless of the mess I made ( and enjoyed making!). But in other situations, like before I go up the stairs to my room, I must take off my shoes at the base of the stairs. 
• After being in community for 2 weeks (today!!) it has become very apparent that my lungs will be drastically dirtier than when I came here. Most roads aren't paved, and when a car/truck/bus comes shooting down the street, you are suddenly engulfed in a cloud of dust. On nights when I am too tired to properly shower, the baby wipe reveals some disturbing truths as to what has been living on my face all day. ICK. People here are seen walking around with "doctor face masks" and its very clear why they do so. Between the dust and the exhaust fumes, it can be quite damaging to the body!
• Showers are always cold! In a colder climate this would be deadly, but after sweating and being covered in dirt, sun cream or DEET spray, a cold and refreshing shower is the best treat at the end of a long day. Since I have chosen to walk everywhere (not even picking up my bike), I feel as if I get the worst end of it, being the lowest/smallest thing on the road. ANYWAYS back to the shower. I give myself a shower using the water in the bathroom, which is stored in a sort of indoor well. There is a water scoop, that resembles a plastic pan with a pointed lip. The water scoop has a diameter of around 6 inches, so a decent amount of water can be poured at one time. The family shares this water scoop, and can be used for showering, flushing your business down the hole or washing out your toothbrush. 
• SUN. Well man. I think my arms may be burned the entire time I am here. Every morning I put some cream on, and they just get red and tight and prickly. It's too warm to wear long sleeved tops (not that I really have any other than a fleecy hoodie). Aside from that, I am getting a brown ring around my neck and my face is glowing from the sun! My lily white skin (Hi Dad!) is getting the shock of it's life!

The week is winding down, and today I have a presentation on human trafficking to deliver to the volunteers. Every week, we chose a topic and a group of people, to deliver a presentation on it. This week is mine, and it's been fun using my brain in a different way than I'm normally used to. The last time I had to organize a lesson and make a lesson plan, it was in 11th grade, for our end of year project.

During the weekend I think we'll be walking up to the "mountain" near here. It's called Breast Mountain, because of it's shape. It should be an hour and a half walk, with spectacular views.

If anyone has questions or something they want to hear/learn about, let me know and I'll be sure to include it next time.
Lots of love xx

Just some pics of my host home (scary steps+ my room, toilet), Flo and my pig!

xx

Hola!

I'd like to start today by thanking everyone who reached out after the last blog post. Your kind words and thoughts really helped me, and cleared my head of the negativity I was feeling. THANK YOU!!!

The last 4 days have gone as such:

Thursday and Friday felt largely uneventful with more training, and mindless classroom sessions. Then Saturday came, which marks us having officially been in Mondulkiri for a week! This weekend was brilliant and exactly what I and the rest of my team needed. On Saturday, I woke up at a leisurely pace, did some stinky laundry, and met the UK vols in Green House (a local hostel/restaurant/free wifi hub) for hours of video chatting Ewan (the boyfriend, in case people were wondering), and replying to emails and messages from back home. (So sorry if I have not gotten back to you yet, it's on my to-do list!) The afternoon flew by, and really boosted my mood after a dreary week.

Sunday, wow, what a day! The UK vols and a few Khmer decided to walk 10km to see the smallest waterfall in the Mondulkiri province. It was amazing. Swimsuits were on, and suncream was applied (although not as carefully as I thought) and morale was up. The walk was hot and sweaty, but the waterfall was more than worth it. We swam for 2 hours, trying to avoid swallowing any of the off colored water, and I was finally at peace. This little waterfall was surrounded by a forest of trees and so tucked away, you wouldn't have found it if you didn't know where it was. We spent the majority of the day chatting, eating fresh mango and enjoying each other's company, especially while everyone was in such a happy mood. The walk back to town was tough and hot (not surprising as we left at 2pm, after hours of swimming), but the food that we ate on the way back was just enough to re-energize everyone enough to continue walking to their host homes. On the walk home, I remarked to Flo (one of the lovely UK vols, as well as a dear friend) that walking back, I felt so clear headed, and ready for the week ahead. I had spent so much of my first week trying to adjust and not freak out, that a little breather to sort myself out, had done wonders. I can now say that I am ready for the next 10 weeks, and not feeling so bummed out.

Having lost my phone to the torrential rain of Sen Monorom and a Chinese storm, I am going to have to rely on Flo (who also lives near me) and her camera to take some pics of my host home, and my surroundings. So pictures should follow this post soon (hopefully!)

While I am 100% missing my UK/USA creature comforts, there are a number of things that I am really enjoying:
- Mangos are 1000 Riel ($.25) for a kilo. This means I bought 3 huge mangos for $.25 . Fruit is ridiculously cheap and easily accessible, making it a #1 pick on my way to and from work.
- Cold showers after being covered in dirt and dust all day.
- Cool nights, which make sleeping a bit easier.
- The amazing fried egg, beef and veggie combo that my family makes for me every night. In Cambodia they have green tomatoes that have become my fave (they taste similar to peppers)!
- My host family's generosity and understanding, especially when it comes to my weird "western" habits.

After a lot of thinking, and soul searching, I know that the hardship I experienced last week, was needed. It will make me a better person and give me the best background I could ask for. Once I have finished my studies, I really want to work in development, and this has given me a great perspective of the challenges I will face. Even if I do not agree with the program's techniques or their method of delivery, I know I am gaining invaluable knowledge and understanding.

Thanks again for all the messages and the kind thoughts. I am really so grateful for all the love and support.

xx

Hi all!

I'm not really sure where to start with today's post- I've been writing this post in my head for a few days.

I arrived in Sen Monorom a week ago, and it's been a very emotional week. We stayed in a guest house (hotels in Cambodia are mostly called guest houses), for the first two nights. 

On Sunday afternoon, we met our host families and saw our host homes for the first time. I have never felt more uncomfortable with my surroundings. I have been placed in a traditional host home, a raised house with pigs in the garden and a bathroom with a squat toilet at one end of the property. In Cambodia, they are comfortable living in the dirt and with the bugs- I am not. The learning curve for how to shower, what you eat at dinner, to how to use the toilet properly (without a hose) has been very steep. We have been fully immersed and forced to quickly adapt to the cultural norms. 

My host family is lovely. Both the parents are farmers with the father seeking additional work as a security guard. They have four children, and the three eldest are married. They have been very accommodating to me- even giving me a sarong (a cultural item of clothing- worn around the house,and to shower, by men and women)! Unfortunately they don't speak any English, which means that all conversations or questions have to be communicated through my counterpart, who doesn't have the highest comprehension of English. Last night I spent two hours teaching them some English, and it was great to use my brain in a different way (than the past 2 weeks).

In terms of my program, we haven't started our work yet. This is mostly due to the fact that we have to set everything up from the ground, as no ICS vols have ever been to Mondulkiri. It is also because there is just so much to cover, and learn before we can start. Personally this has been too long for me. I was very keen to work in education, but the delayed start has also helped me settle in. There has been a lot of sitting around, getting spoken to, with not very many breaks. I left uni for a summer break, only to feel like I am back in primary school, with the way we are spoken to and treated.

Emotionally, I have felt very down. Like very down. My iPhone got waterlogged on Monday, and I am feeling very disconnected from my loved ones. With no internet at my host home, or at the office, the only internet I can get is in a cafe with my laptop. The culture shock and huge discrepancies in personal boundaries, I have really been struggling to keep myself happy and motivated. I know this is not what people back home want to hear, but I've been suffering with these thoughts for a while now. Logically I know it should get better, but at the moment it's pretty hard for me.

I love you all, and thank you for the continued support from my family and friends everywhere.

xx